Wednesday, June 18, 2008

If it's Wednesday, there must be cheeseburgers.

There are some things that I know for certain. Some of these things are:

  • If you plan for absolutely every variation for every issue, the one you didn't think of will happen. I guess that means I didn't account for every issue.
  • The Celtics will beat the Lakers in six. HAHAHAHA!
  • If the puppies are finally asleep, someone will ring the doorbell.
  • When you are waiting for a check, the days get reaaaaalllllllllllyyyyyy long.
  • Wednesdays are the best days to catch the clearance poop at Joann.
  • As you get older, it doesn't matter if you count the days between periods, because that whole female-hormone-what-the-hell stuff is just going to eat your lunch.
  • When you pluck one chin hair, eleven more take its place.
  • Just when I think I've got my housekeeping under control, I find another box of crap, old mail, love letters or items purchased at a sample sale. Who the heck needs so much crap???
  • When you clean up your scrap room, you find a whole lot of cool supplies you never even knew you had. SCORE!!!
  • When you have a husband, dishes, laundry and all that other stuff doubles.
  • Whoever said two could live as cheaply as one was a liar.
  • The paperless office is a myth.
  • Free stuff is just that - stuff. You still gotta make room for it.
  • When I buy a loaf of bread, most of the time it's never opened prior to its expiration date.
  • Dogs really don't like taking pills. Why don't they make them all meat flavored?
  • I've probably spent a couple grand on Texas Lotto tickets. I've won probably $200.
  • Using the guest bathroom after your husband practically guarantees that the toilet paper WILL run out and there will be none under the sink. Also, he will be at WORK, and you have to talk upstairs with your pants half down to get some.
  • That dude who was Britney Spears on America's Got Talent was... er... talented.
  • The probability of my cell phone running out of battery life while I am using it: 97%.

OK, that's it for today. There are a million more things I'm pretty darn sure of, and I will get to them at a later date. Thank you, dear Internet reader, for tuning in.

Please send cash, checks or Zoloft.

2 comments:

scriggle said...

I have made my contribution, and happily at that :) And now you are making me want a cheeseburger for dinner!

The Honorable Mrs. Cobbey said...

Auri loves his pills in peanut butter!