Do I NEED that Snickers Bar? No. Am I going to HAVE that Snicker's Bar? YES

Because some days, you really, really, REALLY need chocolate. And peanuts. And caramel.

You know what I'm talkin' about.

Holla.

Zoinks!

Life has sure been busy. I've missed you blogger buddy and the ZERO total people who read about my sad, sorry and silly old life.

I got a haircut. It's really short. REALLY short. The kind of short that makes your husband look like a long-haired-hippie-freak-even-tho-he's-got-a-crewcut short. But it's cool, and it only takes me three (3) minutes in the morning. And THAT'S what it's all about.

I was reading a funny article on Newsweek.com about this dude who became an - his words here peeps - asshole. Newsweek did an article about him (Martin Kihn: A$$hole: How I Got Rich and Happy by Not Giving a Damn About Anyone and How You Can Too) and it was funny how many different terms they had to come up with for the word ass/asshole. For instance:

• masspole !!!
• rectum (damn near killed him - HAHAHAHA! That is the BEST joke!)
• family-unfriendly word that NEWSWEEK generally avoids
• curse word synonymous with "unbelievable jerk" that begins with the letter A
• [anus]ism
• epithet that begins with the first letter of the alphabet
• buttocks personified
• scatological body part
• orifice
• disagreeable people
• excretory opening
• proctological
• posterior portal
• the word we have refrained from printing thus far in this interview
• begins with A, you figure it out

Anyhoo, I found it funny and I think that I will begin calling a$$holes by the term "posterior portals" - a much cleverer term.

Bonus: My husband will have to think for a few minutes before he realizes what I've called him. KIDDING!!!

It might take a little longer.

When a Chili's burger breaks your tooth, your dentist gives you a flipper.

I have been having the worst run of luck lately and I just can't figure out why. The icing on my most recent cake is the breaking of a tooth at a local Chili's restaurant.

We had just settled in for a nice dinner of Chili's burgers. We are pretty regular diners at Chili's and have never had a problem with anything before. But today, the God of Chili's decided my time had come.

I had ordered a Smokehouse Bacon Burger - you've seen them on TV - big burgers with two strips of really thick bacon. Anyhoo, I cut the burger in half, take a bite of it and lo-and-behold, my front right incisor (I think it's an incisor anyway) pops off. Down to the root.

My mouth is bleeding and hubby tells the waiter to get the manager. I look at my tooth, check the burger, and realize the bacon is rock solid hard. So the "manager on duty" comes over and says, "So you broke your tooth on a piece of bacon, hey?" And then he starts laughing. He kneels beside our table and says, "Ma'am, I'm not laughing AT you, I'm laughing WITH you." I replied to him that I didn't think I was laughing.

He proceeded to give us a card with the manager's name on it and he also took my information.

Oh, and the best part yet, THEY MADE US PAY FOR OUR MEAL!!!!

After spending all weekend front-toothless, I finally got hold of someone at Chili's Guest Relations on Monday who said that a regional manager would call me back. Of course no one has yet.

So I went to the dentist yesterday to see what could be done and she said with the way the tooth broke off, the best result would be with an implant. This takes up to a year and thousands of dollars. YIKES!! So now, I am getting what's called a flipper until we decide what to do and who is going to pay for it. This does not sound fun at all.

Today I called Chili's Risk Management department, again, leaving a message. Again no one has called me back. I am deliberating on getting an attorney.

Poop, all I wanted was a hamburger!!! Now I am getting the shaft. BOO!

I've been dreaming of horses.

It's odd, but I have been dreaming of horses lately. Wild, free, majestic horses. Stallions and mares and foals and all. The meaning of these dreams can be many, according to whatever dream interpretation dictionary you choose to read.

We have been having significant financial problems. Some dream interpreters say that to dream of horses is a premonition of a financial windfall. While this would be the ultimate in answers or foresight, the pessimist in me reminds me that financial windfalls don't come along often to everyday people. And I, believe it or not, am an everyday people.

Some other dream dictionaries say that to dream of horses represents a strong, physical energy - that I need to tame the wild forces. The dream may also imply that I have been horsing around. Or perhaps I need to be less arrogant and "get off my high horse".

So either I am due for a windfall or I am too arrogant for my own good.

I sure hope it's the windfall.

There's a puppy in the house... again.

Millie is here. She's been here for a couple of weeks now, and when there is a puppy in the house, everything on my little plate of crazy gets a little bit bigger.

Millie was part of a quartet found in Abilene - and the only girl in the bunch. When she got here, she was a little on the thin side and had a bad case of hookworms. After a little doctoring, she is a little chubby fluffball full of fun.

Millie has recently learned how to go up and down the stairs. She climbs up them just fine, but when she comes down, she uses her butt as a little bumper. She is heartbreakingly cute and it looks like we are going to fail at this foster as well.